Mirror, Mirror

I had a fear with mirrors and I didn’t even know it. And that fear wasn’t because of the physical, tangible object. It was the fear of looking at myself.

 

 

I actually didn’t realize this fear for quite some time. But it was kind of funny when I would go to the washroom, do  my business, and walk out without having a glance at myself in the mirror. And the next thing you know, my friend at work is telling me there is something stuck in my teeth. And I think to myself, “Well that’s strange. Why didn’t I catch it before I left the washroom? Oh, I guess I didn’t even look at the mirror when I was there.” Casually enough, I just brushed the idea off of any sort of fear.

By the time I read “You Can Heal Your Life” by L. Hay, I finally not only recognized that fear, but I also faced it – head on. And somehow, through my newfound hobbies of acting and dance, I have to face mirrors all the time!

For example, at dance class, I wouldn’t look at myself – I just looked at the instructor and hoped that every step I was making looked somewhat right. And when I faced myself for just a split second, I was taken aback, thinking “So that’s what I look like when I dance? That’s hilarious!” For the first two weeks, I wasn’t improving in dance class at all because I kept looking at the instructor and not at what I was doing. By the time I realized I wasn’t looking at myself, I knew I had to change that. And when I did, I improved (with definite struggles of endurance) and I now dance in the first or second row right next to the instructor. It’s pretty awesome I’d have to say!

And don’t get me started with acting. Every student in the class has their own DVD of their monologue and partnered scenes recorded. I did so terrible in my first monologue that I was so afraid to look back at my DVD to see how “bad” I did. But I knew if I could do it for dance, I could do it for acting. So once I played my DVD, I noted every single critique my acting instructor noted of me. By the time I got my partnered script, I looked into the mirror and just rehearsed over and over again. Just yesterday, I performed my partnered scene in front of the entire class, and my instructor loved it so much, she basically told me if it was an audition, I would have aced it. And I felt so gratified, relieved, happy, and just wanted to jump for joy! She even said “I think we’ve found your hit, you could definitely do comedy!” And Now, more than ever, I realize that I do love acting – with a passion.

I can truly say, if you don’t see yourself in the mirror now, you’re not realizing how amazing you are and can be once you face it. I highly recommend to take the time to look into the mirror and to remind yourself to love who you are, what you are, and who you’ll become. I know I do.

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Metamorphosis

A few weeks ago, I confessed to my friend, Sara, about how I’ve hit a plateau with the positive affirmation exercises founded in Louise L. Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life (see: “New Hope, New Me” post). I felt like I was back at ground zero: fighting against the negative.

As I was telling Sara my situation, I reminisced the last time I felt truly happy in my life, which so happened to me the day of my convocation:

  

McMaster University, 2011

I told Sara, “I wish I could go back and be that person again.”

Sara responded, “You know, you never really go back to ever being that person again.” And that’s when it hit me.

Whether I like it or not, I’m constantly changing based on whatever new knowledge or experiences are presented before me. And how I absorb that knowledge and experiences will determine my perspective and outlook in life.

Luckily, I stumbled upon this article on Forbes called “How To Be More Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps)” . This article really caught my eye because it incorporated cute visuals to convey the simple message of just being more interesting. I thought the article was a great complement to my positive affirmation exercises because it made me dare to do something creative and bring in more fun in my life without having to try too hard.  

With the new inspiration, I took my very first (absolute beginner) hip hop dance class today and loved every minute of it! It was great knowing that everyone was learning at the same level as me, and that it was totally okay to embarrass myself. I can’t wait for the next dance class. I hope I improve through each class so I can hopefully move to the intermediate level by the end of the year!

I’ve even taken the time to try new recipes. My first attempt at spanikopita was great! They make look a little challenged, but they smelled and tasted amazing:

  

Delicious and healthy!

 

I also had the chance to make waffles from scratch too:

  

You can’t go wrong with topping it with strawwberries!

 

I have found ways to entertain myself and yet, I never realized how much I can accomplish on my own. I am now loving and embracing change more than ever.

Did I also mention I’m taking acting classes? I still cannot believe I got myself to register, but I did. With the costly fee, there is no turning back! That will be something worth blogging for next week (as classes start on Monday). Stay tuned!

The Truth

I have a confession.  I truly believe my breakdown this year was caused by my unfulfilled life since high school – and not the events in my life that happened just recently. As I was reading Louise L. Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life”, she stated in the very beginning that our thoughts in the past has brought us to where we are now. It took me awhile to really define where in my past led me to this path. But I eventually realized that it had really nothing to do with my job, family, or personal issues at this moment.

The Truth. My parents came into Canada as refugees: no money, no stable job, and a lot of hardship. As I was growing up, I played only with dolls and my piano because my parents could not afford to have me partake in any extra-curricular activities. All my other friends had ballet, swimming, soccer, basketball, dance, and so on and so forth. By the time I hit my preteens, I really felt like a Plain Jane: average, untalented, and most of all, boring.

Compensation. Because I didn’t feel like I had anything going for me, I consumed myself in thoughts of another me, who was talented, beautiful, smart, and sophisticated. Some days I pictured myself as a dancer, some days I pictured myself as a hero,  or some days I even pictured myself as an actress. It’s one thing to daydream about a silly crush or who we will be in the next 10 years, but it’s another to completely imagine another self beyond reality and believing I will never be that person because it’s only just a dream.

Reality check. Since reading Hay’s book, that “other self” is ceasing to exist because I am now on that path of living a fulfilled life just by changing my thoughts. I can be who I want to be now, if I wanted too. I may have not had the opportunity to take dance classes or even acting classes as a child, but it’s not too late now. Afterall, I’m only 24!

Action plan. I find myself enjoying new ways of expressing myself and I think taking on acting and dance classes will enhance that skillset. I think it’s time that I break that invisible shell and open up to new experiences and new faces. To my young female professionals, it’s time to break free. Follow with me on this path.