Happy

On my route to Hollywood for class, it just hit me how happy I am in my life. I haven’t felt this happy in so long. And I can say it was pure happiness because it wasn’t anything in particular in my life that triggered me to be happy at that very moment. In fact, I was stuck in traffic on the US-101 when I had the biggest smile on my face.

Hollywood US 101

Throughout the entire drive, the conversation in my head kept going in circles like this:

I’M SO HAPPY. HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!
Wait, why am I happy again?
I don’t know — but I’M SO HAPPY.

But what made it the best overwhelming emotion was the fact that I didn’t have any underlying reason for it, whether it be money, a guy, or even career-related. I’m just enjoying everything that life has given me this far and I am grateful.

Nonetheless, I finally feel settled in LA. I’ve joined an acting studio that caters to strengthen and challenge areas of myself; I’ve met some awesome friends inside and outside of class; and the weather has just been gorgeous. 

I’ve set out goals for myself to travel to the best beaches and some fun hikes throughout Southern California within the next couple of weeks, which I will share soon!

Sending love, success, and pure happiness to all my readers. 

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Cory Monteith

I arrived in LA this past Saturday to pursue my passion for acting, knowing that I had a very limited time off from work to do so. I booked 3 audits within my first week of arrival to the best studios known in LA. My first audit took place at the Anthony Meindl’s Actor Workshop just yesterday.

An audit is essentially an observation of a class being taught live in front of you. I could not begin to describe how inspired and amazed I was from the start and end of the audit. I was even lucky enough to meet Anthony [studio director] himself as this typically does not happen until you reach a certain level in the studio. He started the class off by remembering Cory Monteith, who played a lead role in Glee, as Cory was actually a student at this studio. Seeing that I was watching a stage where Cory used to perform, just astounded me.

Cory

I was also struck by Anthony’s messages in relation to Cory’s death. His message was simply to say that life is too short and sometimes you have no control over it – so ask yourselves, what are you delaying your life for? Go for what you want, and don’t live in the routine of what life gives you. Give yourself greater permission to do what you want to do and don’t ever seek happiness from the outside.

Society has it backwards for us to believe if we work hard, we can succeed, and when we succeed, we can be happy. Inner happiness creates success, not the other way around! As long as we are happy with who we are inside, then everything else in life will fall in place for us the way we want it too.

And that is why I love acting. It’s constantly affirming me at the present moment and loving myself from inside out.

I hope I can get into this studio before I depart back home. Apparently, there are some people who have waited 5 months to get into this studio! As for now, I have two more audits this week – one in which I actually had to prepare my script! I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. Nonetheless, I do feel at home here.

Success

Happy new year to all my readers! It’s been a whirlwind of chaos (good and bad) since my last post. But to say the very least, I have made huge achievements in both the professional sphere and in my life in the last few months of 2012. In fact, I successfully passed the CPA/CA national exam and advanced to the next level in my acting classes. What a great way to end 2012!

I find a lot of people don’t take the time to really reflect on their achievements over the year . It seems as though everyone looks at the year at a high level and quickly move on with their lives for the new year. But I’m a true believer that it’s really important to give yourself some self-recognition, if not, A LOT! Of course there’s going to be some bad or embarrassing moments in your year but they definitely don’t define who you are today. Every moment has its place.

So without further ado, I’d like to highlight my successes in the year in hopes to inspire you to reflect on your own achievements:

  • Passed my CPA/CA exam at my first attempt!
  • Took on acting class for the very first time. Even though I didn’t successfully advance to the next level at first attempt, I didn’t quit. After my second attempt, I successfully advanced. And I can definitely say I love it more every time I do it.
  • Took on dance classes for the very first time this year and eventually worked my way up from the back of the class to the front of the class
  • I began this blog which allowed me to channel my creativity and spark conversations with close friends on similar stories of inspiration, hope, struggle and challenges
  • I committed to making positive changes in my life by doing things that I love to do, reinforcing positive affirmations, and maintaining and strengthening genuine relationships with loved ones

I have a gut feeling that 2013 is going to be a great year and I can’t wait to share my stories to you along the way. I have some big plans coming up so it’ll be interesting to see what will happen next. For now, I can only dream with excitement.

Dream Your Heart Out!

Passion Crazy

Relationships with people are similar, if not the same, with the relationships that you make for things that you are passionate about – intangible things, that is.

A representative from the Institute that runs the accounting profession in Canada came into my grade 11 accounting class. The whole discussion of “prestige” and “reputation” and “distinction” were all confident terms to impress me in such a way that was almost like love at first sight.

The relationship grew, and became stronger than ever, by second-year at university. There was obvious battles with jealousy, of people who I thought were better than me, that can take away my dream, or what I called, “my love” at that time. But I overcame that, because I knew I deserved this more than anyone else and I was more capable of achieving and attaining anything I wanted. It was almost like I was unstoppable, as silly as that sounds.

Once I landed that internship out of hundreds of applicants, it was like I was married already. My love renewed and I began that journey of that “honeymoon stage” where, even the silliest fights of late hours, meant nothing to me, but just part of that endeavour to learn more about myself in this relationship.

As soon as my internship became a full-time career, things started to plateau…

And differences that were once so small, grew into bigger gaps. These differences seemed so big, it was almost like they couldn’t repair itself. As a result, I went through a whirlwind of emotions, which I frankly documented in this blog since March.

But then I recently met acting. Acting was always on my mind but I never gave it a chance until just less than a month ago. And now I’m in love, and quite frankly, I’m questioning whether my love for accounting was even love in the first place. Could it have been lust or infactuation? I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out myself.

One thing is for certain, is that I am passionately in love with acting. So much so, that, it almost scares me. I feel like I’m cheating what I once knew or loved. I’m honestly confused with my own thoughts.

I’m really looking forward to continuing my relationship with acting. But I know it will only go so far to the point where I’ll have to choose between accounting or acting down the road.

Relationships are truly hard to decipher and translate from emotions to words. But when they do, everything just seems to fall into place. I’m hoping that everything will work out for my highest good.

Mirror, Mirror

I had a fear with mirrors and I didn’t even know it. And that fear wasn’t because of the physical, tangible object. It was the fear of looking at myself.

 

 

I actually didn’t realize this fear for quite some time. But it was kind of funny when I would go to the washroom, do  my business, and walk out without having a glance at myself in the mirror. And the next thing you know, my friend at work is telling me there is something stuck in my teeth. And I think to myself, “Well that’s strange. Why didn’t I catch it before I left the washroom? Oh, I guess I didn’t even look at the mirror when I was there.” Casually enough, I just brushed the idea off of any sort of fear.

By the time I read “You Can Heal Your Life” by L. Hay, I finally not only recognized that fear, but I also faced it – head on. And somehow, through my newfound hobbies of acting and dance, I have to face mirrors all the time!

For example, at dance class, I wouldn’t look at myself – I just looked at the instructor and hoped that every step I was making looked somewhat right. And when I faced myself for just a split second, I was taken aback, thinking “So that’s what I look like when I dance? That’s hilarious!” For the first two weeks, I wasn’t improving in dance class at all because I kept looking at the instructor and not at what I was doing. By the time I realized I wasn’t looking at myself, I knew I had to change that. And when I did, I improved (with definite struggles of endurance) and I now dance in the first or second row right next to the instructor. It’s pretty awesome I’d have to say!

And don’t get me started with acting. Every student in the class has their own DVD of their monologue and partnered scenes recorded. I did so terrible in my first monologue that I was so afraid to look back at my DVD to see how “bad” I did. But I knew if I could do it for dance, I could do it for acting. So once I played my DVD, I noted every single critique my acting instructor noted of me. By the time I got my partnered script, I looked into the mirror and just rehearsed over and over again. Just yesterday, I performed my partnered scene in front of the entire class, and my instructor loved it so much, she basically told me if it was an audition, I would have aced it. And I felt so gratified, relieved, happy, and just wanted to jump for joy! She even said “I think we’ve found your hit, you could definitely do comedy!” And Now, more than ever, I realize that I do love acting – with a passion.

I can truly say, if you don’t see yourself in the mirror now, you’re not realizing how amazing you are and can be once you face it. I highly recommend to take the time to look into the mirror and to remind yourself to love who you are, what you are, and who you’ll become. I know I do.

Becoming An Actress

As you perhaps already know, I rarely hide my true emotions from my readers. And to say that I never thought that I wanted to become an actress at various points in my life would be a complete and utter lie.

At the age of 7, I thought I could make an awesome Sailor Venus actress if they ever made a live version of the movie.

By the age of 13, I went on a tangent and thought it would be fun to be a model. So I attempted to do some auditions but only failed as I was unable to get a single booking. (I wish I had my portfolio with me so you would laugh at my headshots as I proudly smiled with my brace face.)

And by 17, I auditioned and landed a (un-paid) role in a commercial that was dubbed in Cantonese, to which I never even actually seen on TV.

Since then, I never thought once to ever go back into acting.

Until now.

I truly thought that the idea of doing acting was a dare to try something that is so out of my own comfort zone. But I still didn’t get the concept of WHY I was doing it – especially out of all things that I could dare myself to do.

I finally found the answer on the first day of my acting class.

I had my first session this past Monday at Armstrong Acting Studios. My instructor, Laura, gave me my monologue, from the movie, The Social Network. I was playing Erica Albright, the “ex-girlfriend” of Mark Zuckerberg. It was the scene where she bluntly tells Mark that he’s an asshole for insulting her family’s name, her bra size and rating women based on their hotness. I memorized my lines off by heart, recorded my voice, and watched myself act in the mirror for two hours. I was confident. I was ready.

I walked into class and met a bunch of beautiful, and quite lovely, people from different walks of life: models, economist, stay-at-home mom, etc. All of us shared one thing in common: we were always curious about pursuing a career in acting. And as Laura put it “we’re crazy enough to do it now”.

Right off the bat, she made us perform, one-by-one, our monologues on camera in front of EVERYONE. I was nervous. I was petrified. As soon as it was my turn, I lost all my lines. I completely blanked out. I was so dissappointed in myself, that I did not hide my frustration while the camera was still recording.

Everyone around me was so supportive and encouraging me that it’s okay and that they screwed up too. But I felt like I did the worse out of the entire group. I let myself down so hard.

As the monologue performances were done, Laura gave us general pointers about how to improve but told us we need to study our performances (as they were individually recorded each on a separate dvd) and ask ourselves the following question:

  • What did you do well?
  • What did you need to improve on?
  • Would you hire yourself?
  • Did you tell a story?
  • Etc.

Throughout the rest of the class, I was absolutely bitter about my performance. I never felt so low about myself in a long time. I really felt like giving up.

But then Laura gave us one pointer that stuck to me to this day. She actually explained the WHY that I needed to hear.

She said, “In acting, the power is in the NOW. Being in the present has so much power”.

And that was my “AH-HA!” moment. I was meant to be on this path in taking acting classes because I have struggled, and still do, in living in the present moment. And if there was one thing that I learned from Louise L. Hay’s book, it was that the power of the present moment can make you absolutely unstoppable in achieving the best in life that you deserve.

I just find it so amazing that even in my acting class, itself, is teaching me about personal life lessons that ring true to me. I’m actually still in awe about it in this very moment.

So after reviewing my embarassing video of myself, I realized, I can only improve from here. It was my first day, and as long as I stay committed, I can improve.

I am truly so grateful to have such loving friends who support me through this crazy adventure. It’s insane but I love every bit of it.

Appreciation

Over 500 views..

Over 20 followers..

Over 10 countries..

Just 2 months..

One love.

Thank to those who have been continuing to follow my blog. I am ever so grateful and appreciative that it’s come this far. And it’s only going to get bigger soon. I promise.

Big things are going to happen soon and I can feel it. I will be documenting them as soon as they come.